I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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