I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
