Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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