You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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