Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
