It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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