Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
