Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
