also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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