barbara walters just said penis...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize