roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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