I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
