I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
