Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
