Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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