Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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