I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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