that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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