Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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