When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My penis needs a shock collar
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
