I hate all girls vehemently.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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