We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
