All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
