I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
