hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
