you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
