I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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