I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
