Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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