your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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