Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
