he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
