At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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