Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
