I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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