I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
