I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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