I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
