they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
