my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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