I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
