READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
