Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
