He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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