I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
