capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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