And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
