So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
