Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
