i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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