I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
