Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
