he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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