And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
