Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
