Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He did a backflip because drugs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
