She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
