I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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