he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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