So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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