Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
