just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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