Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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