Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
